''Sure you're up to it?'' His stern-looking boss asked him, looking at him with her red pursed lips. ''You do know that no Fashion Designer starts at the top, right? I'll be blunt. Your sketches need some practice. You're obviously following the latest fashion tendencies, but that is not enough. You need... How do I say this. You need to leave your own mark on your clothing line. Do something that separates you from others.'' Noah sighed for the hundredth time, just nodding along. He knew this. He'd been declined so many times with his stupid sketches that he was giving up hope. ''You will co-assist Andrew Tyler. You will do a fitting on some Dancers. This is a great beginning, Noah. It's Broadway. I will give you a chance'' Noah just huffed, and refrained from rolling his eyes. Why did he even need to co-assist someone. He was better than that. But he had seen how hard the Industry was. This was an okay opportunity considering everything. He just hated Andrew. He was good-looking, and Noah had really tried to at least form some kind of interest for him, to get into his pants, but he just couldn't. He had absolutely no interest. In fact. It seemed like his cock wasn't working lately. Maybe he'd overused it, he mused, wanting to laugh at himself. He hadn't searched other men out for a long while lately. He didn't even feel like it anymore. He could feel something vibrate in his pocket, and he hurriedly fumbled after his phone. ''Rosenstand! What did I tell you about that phone in your working hour!'' His boss almost yelled, he just turned his back to her, a little smile on his face when he heard Maximilien's voice. ''Hey there.'' He could feel himself getting excited. Well at least there was one positive thing about his newest job right now. Maximilien. Behind him his boss huffed, but she had a fond smile on her lips, glad that she had decided to hire Noah. The guy had potential. He just needed to come back to earth and not be so full of himself. She knew perfectly well how to handle guys like him, and she intended too. He just needed a little push in the right direction.

''Max...'' Noah was frowning, since Maximilien had stopped mid-sentence. ''Max... Hey..'' He took his phone away from the ear to check if the line was dead. Apparently it was not. He heard some background noise but couldn't decipher what it was exactly. ''Max! For fuck's sake, are you there?'' The anxiety was slowly creeping through his body, and he had a gut feeling telling him that something was terribly wrong. ''Max!'' He tried one last time, and then hung up. ''I've gotta' go.'' He said, not even giving his Boss a chance to say anything, before he was running out from the Building, not even knowing exactly where he was going. As he arrived outside he stared helplessly around him, not even knowing where to go or what had happened. What if someone had attacked him. What if something had happened. How would he even know where Maximilien was? He was at a loss. ''Dammit!'' He growled, trying to call Maximilien again, but the line was occupied. He had tried twenty times, giving up. He would stand here for ten minutes and see if Maximilien would arrive. He better have a good explanation for this, he thought. Suddenly his phone vibrated again at it was an unknown number. ''Yes?'' He said a bit distractedly.

''Noah? is that you?''
''Who is this?'' The voice sounded familiar.
''Gabriel. Listen...''
''What the fuck do you want?!''
''Max has been in an accident.''
''What?'' He paled instantly, clutching his phone tightly.
''Car accident. I'm... I'm on my way. They are taking him to the Metropolitan Hospital Center... He''

Noah had hung up. He didn't need to hear more. He tried so hard to hold himself upright, not crumble down on the street. He walked over to a holding cab on shaking legs, ''Metropolitan Hospital Center.'' Was all he said, slumping down in the backseat, hands shaking. All he was thinking was that he was going to lose another friend to a car accident. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying hard not to hyperventilate. He hurriedly paid the driver, running up to the entrance, almost stumbling into Gabrial. ''Whoa there.'' The man said gently, steadying Noah. He looked pretty panicked too and was beyond pale. ''I thought I would go out and wait for you.'' He said. ''Where is he?!'' Gabriel was obviously having a hard time to work past the lump in his throat. ''In.. He's in a critical state. They.. They're trying to save his life.''
Noah pushed past Gabriel, running into the Hospital, looking wildly around. Gabriel tried gently to lead him to a waiting room, assuring him he had made the surgeons promise to update them for any news. A stern looking man came out, looking down at them from the tip of his glasses. ''Does Mr. Rozer have an insurance?'' Noah just stared blankly at him. Forgetting all about he was in America with their stupid insurance policy. ''I don't fucking know! Whatever the costs are, assign the bill to me.'' He growled, fisting his hands. Maximilien was fighting for his life, and all they were thinking about was how to bring in more precious money to their stupid Hospital. ''Sir, are you sure you're able to..'' ''For fuck's sake, YES!'' He shouted, and Gabriel had to lie a restraining hand on his arm, since Noah looked ready to murder the doctor. ''You'll fill out the papers later.'' Was all the Doctor said, going away again. He turned back to Gabriel and hissed, ''Don't touch me!'' The man just looked sadly at him, letting the silence wash over them. For every minute Noah got more and more anxious, trying so hard to fight the tears that were threating to spill. He couldn't lose Maximilien. He was all he had, besides little Jonathan. Oh god. How would he take care of Jonathan alone? It was in this moment he realized how a big part of his life revolved solely around Maximilien. He couldn't imagine ever living with someone else. Taking care of Jonathan with someone else. Eating a very messy breakfast with someone else. Be yanked out of bed by anyone other than Max, when he got annoyed that Noah wanted to sleep until 1 pm. Or even coming into the apartment, seeing Maximilien dance around with Jonathan on his hip. Or cuddle as loath as he was to admit it, with someone else. How Maximilien always would cuddle into his side, and Noah would pretend he didn't notice how Maximilien always scooted closer and closer. Or just see Maximilien's beautiful smile every day, or be surrounded by his cheery mood. Just be surrounded by him. How could he have been so blind.

''You love him. Don't you.'' Gabriel whispered quietly beside him.
Noah stilled. ''Excuse me? What the hell are you talking about?'' His heart was beating faster.
''Don't play shit with me. He likes you too. You're both so infatuated with each other, so where's the problem?''
''What the fuck...''

''Stop it.'' Gabriel said tiredly. ''I know how.. How you feel. I was like you once. Afraid of my own feelings. If I didn't let myself feel I wouldn't get hurt. But you know what? Sometimes the hurt is worth it. You're not truly living if you don't get hurt. If you don't get hurt, you'll never know what happiness is. True happiness.''

''What? Do you want to have a philosophical debate right now?'' Noah sneered.
''Just shut up for once!'' Gabriel snapped at him. ''Where's the problem?! No. Be honest. Tell me.''
''He's with you.'' Noah said weakly. ''He's happy with you.''
Gabriel smiled sadly. ''No, he's only pretending our relationship is enough for him. You know, I could be perfect for him, and he for me. But that's if his heart wasn't already elsewhere.''
''You're clearly mistaken...'' Noah protested, chest constricting.
''No. He even talks about you. On our dates. And his eyes just.. Lights up. I don't think he even realizes it. I've tried to stifle it down, but.. If you truly wanted him, and I know you do, so stop being afraid, then I'm fighting a lost game. I genuinely like him. He's handsome, smart and incredibly caring. Heck, everyone want a guy like that. But.. He belongs to someone else. Now that incredibly stupid person just has to open his eyes. Stop being afraid! For fucks sake, look how life can screw you over. Just... Live.'' Gabriel said, panting a bit at how fast he was speaking. ''Don't... Don't let this one go away. You'll regret it.'' He looked so earnestly at Noah, that he just wanted to hit him. Why did this guy had to be so honest and good..
''Maximilien deserves someone like you.'' Noah said quietly.
''Well of course, but you're a pretty decent guy too when you're not a bastard. I've seen how protective you are when it concern Max..''
And in that moment they got interrupted and the same Doctor as before came out again.
''He's in a coma. We're terribly sorry. We did everything we could, but now the fight is up to him. He didn't have any brain injuries, so that's a good sign. But.. We'll do whatever we can, but it's up to his body now to wake up.''

And in that moment, Noah's world crashed down completely around him. Maximilien was his world. And as the tears finally broke through, he realized, this was only the second time he had cried since he was seventeen. He couldn't breathe. The feeling was clawing at him. He loved Maximilien.

The fog that welcomed Maximilien after the accident was dense and warm. It embraced him like the loving arms of his long lost parents and comforted him, as he felt ready to fall apart. Sometimes, he could distinguish the lost silhouette of a dead love one, wandering in that desolate landscape. As time went by, the mist cleared and he finally got to see where he was. There was no sun, there, but he didn't feel like this place needed one. It was already warmed up by the presence of his ancestors and by the thousand whispers that he could barely comprehend. It was memories of the past, singing a wasted rhapsody. The strange ghosts never seemed to acknowledge him and he was fine with it. Where am I ? He asked himself. Who am I ? The young man frowned, trying to remember. What was this nonsense he seemed to be swimming in ? Slowly, recollection came flooding into his head, and he closed his eyes. Right. Maximilien. 23 years old. Dancer. Literature degree. Parents - both dead. A little branch of the Rozer family was still alive in France. Best friend - Dead. Currently living with a roommate, Noah Rosenstand. Love life - checked. Has a boyfriend. What's his name again ? Gabriel. But not the one in his heart. Loves Jonathan, but something tells him that Jonathan's not the one he is in love with. Oh, right. John's a fifteen months old baby. He loves.... He loves Noah. Now, he's sure of that. But what is he doing here? He looks around. He's in a field. What were you doing before you lost consciousness ? He asks himself. I was ... I was calling Noah. And then I was hit by a car, he remembered faintly. Was he dead ? A feeling of panic starts to fill his soul. What if he's dead ? What if he left Noah and the baby alone ? They need him, he's sure of that. There are his life. He can't leave them. He can't.

His breathing is frantic and he starts to hyperventilate. Oh gosh. He's going to suffocate if he can't cool down. He starts to cry and he sinks to his knees, rocking himself pitifully. « I need to leave ... I need to leave this place ... » he keeps repeating, whimpering and sobbing quietly « I don't want to die ... » he adds like a plea to whatever god keeps him down here. Strangely, he can here the distant voice of outsiders, not quite here, but not far away either. They're talking between each other, asking for a scalpel, and some things the young man has no idea what it means. Suddenly, he feels a hand on his shoulder and jump three meters away. « Who the fuck is that ? » he asks. A laugh that sounds like a thousand bells ringing resonates, and he suddenly sees her. Jacinthe, and her curly brown hair, and her beautiful blue eyes, wrinkled with amusement. He can barely believe his eyes. « Jacinthe ? » he murmurs « C'est toi ? ». She doesn't answer, but she opens her arms with a shy smile. « Oh mon dieu ... » he exclaims, before running toward her and hugging the young woman closely, tensely. « Oh mon dieu, Jacinthe ! » he repeats, disbelieving, as he takes her face between his hand to put wet close on her jaw and nose, making her giggle. « She's still my wife you know ... » a baritone voice with a very pronounced danish accent announces. Maximilien laughs, delighted « And I'm still gay ! » before jumping too in Johannes arms, in a more manly and awkward hug. « Then, should I feel jealous ? » asks Jacinthe with a malicious ton. « Of course, chérie » he shrugs « We both know I had a crush on Johannes for ages ! Feeling a little gayer now that you're dead ? » he flutters his eyes in his best friend's husband direction and they all starts to laugh « Dammit » swears the black man « And here I thought you liked my best friend, Noah. ». Already, the ton is more earnest, and Maximilien doesn't feel like laughing anymore. He thinks again of Noah, who's probably thanking every divinity for getting him ride of his annoying roommate. His heart sinks lower in his chest. Jacinthe puts a hand on his chin and forces him to look at her « I wouldn't be so sure of that, were I you. » she smiles sweetly at him and kisses his forehead.

« We need to go, Max. » declares Jacinthe sadly after a few minutes « Our time here is limited. » Maximilien takes her hand urgently « Wait ! You can't go now ! I need you ! I miss you. ». She seems as shaken as he is « I don't want to leave either. » she whispers brokenly. He embraces her again « I need to tell you so much about Jonathan ! He's so grown up ! He said maman and papa yesterday when looking at a picture of you I showed him ! And Noah taught him the word NAR and I have no idea what it means, but he's such an intelligent little boy, he keeps calling me that ! ». Johannes erupted in a thunder of laugh, and he was gone « You need to go too ... » Jacinthe says, not at all disturbed by the absence of Joe « You're not dead yet, but you need to resurface. Noah is waiting for you. Tell ... » she hesitates on her last sentence, before dropping it in a last breath and disappearing « Tell him I love him. ».

Maximilien was alone again in the world of shadow. He needed to go, he understood, but how ?
Luckily, he didn't need to think too long, as suddenly he was falling in the deep grey sky.

He opened his eyes and found himself facing a dark wall.
He was laying in a hospital bed, and he wasn't alone. On his right lied Noah, his head resting on the mattress, and Maximilien smiled at how silly he was to think he wouldn't be missed, relief and love sinking in his belly. Tenderly and despite his sore body, he reached down and touched tenderly the blond strands of hair, caressing it softly as he whispered « Noah ... Wake up, sleepy head. ». He leaned closer, more daring than usual, and put a kiss on Noah's mouth, hoping he was still asleep.

Noah hadn't left Maximilien's bed since he'd been assigned this room, doctors occasionally coming in to check how his state was. It was not improving, but it wasn't getting worse either. When the huff was finally over, and everyone had left them alone, he let the tears spill again. Clutching Max's hand a bit too tightly, placing hundred tiny kisses all over his face, forcing him to wake up. But this was not a fairy tale. He wouldn't wake up by such a silly thing as a kiss. This was reality. And that reality came crashing hard down on Noah. He cursed himself nine ways to hell and back again for having been such a bastard towards Maximilien. Now it was too late. No! He would not let himself think that way. Finally he laid his head down beside Maximilien's, still clutching his hand. Telling him about small inconspicuous things that didn't really matter. He still couldn't voice his feelings. Only in his head. Out loud they got stuck in his throat. Instead, all he managed was, ''I will fucking kill you myself if you don't wake up! Don't you dare leave me! Don't you dare! Don't..'' And then the tears spilled all over again, and he cried for hours probably, giving in to exhaustion at last. Wishing he would wake up in his own bed and this would all be a dream.

Someone was stroking his hair, and he leaned in to that touch. Craving it. He felt soft lips against his own, and he slowly responded to them. ''I...'' And then he snapped his eyes open, staring directly into Maximilien's blue eyes. He lifted his head up from the bed, staring at him with red-rimmed eyes, eyes all puffy. ''You bastard!'' He said brokenly, tears spilling all over again, but he just didn't care. Didn't even think about being embarrassed. ''You fucking bastard! How could you do that! Why... How.. Why were you so careless! How didn't you see a fucking CAR! A CAR! You.. And then.. And I.. Gods..'' He had to clasp a hand against his mouth, to keep himself from sobbing. ''I thought you were dead. I thought that I had lost you.'' He whispered more quietly, voice constantly breaking. ''I don't think I could handle loosing someone I love all over again.'' He whispered, not even noticing his slip-up. ''And they say that I'm a bastard! You can't just... I.. You can't just.. I need you. Jonathan needs you.'' He stared helplessly at Maximilien, the sight all blurry since he couldn't really see through his tears. ''I fucking hate you! Don't you dare do something like this again'' He growled, before cupping Maximilien's face between his hands, attacking his mouth like a starved man. Kissing him forcefully on the mouth. Like he was punishing him, even though he had done nothing wrong. Noah knew that, but he'd never been so afraid in his life as when he'd received that call from Gabriel.

The tears were still streaming down Noah's face, as he let his gaze travel up to the ceiling. Away from Maximilien, since he suddenly felt uncomfortable. He brushed his tears away angrily, hating to be seen in such a vulnerable state. He hadn't cried for years. Why now? Why couldn't he stop the tears since he had given them a free run. This was stupid. He needed to stop this ridiculous display of emotions. ''You're sorry that you worried me?! God! You're so... How could you get hit by a car!, you stupid fuck!'' Noah yelled, like it was all done on purpose. He stared helplessly again at Max, wanting nothing but to take him in his arms. ''You're so clumsy! Why didn't you look down the road before you crossed it! Why did you even talk on the phone! You're one of those people who can't figure out how to walk and talk on the phone. So don't do it! God! You're impossible.. You're.. Just..'' He bit his lip so hard it draw blood, slumping down in the chair he had occupied all the while Maximilien had been in a coma. He stared sullenly at Maximilien, crossing his arms. ''Well, then don't go and get hit by a car if you want to kiss me.'' A nurse came running into the room, staring wildly around. ''What is this commotion? Mr. Rosenstand. We must ask you to leave. It seems like your upsetting our patient.'' She checked the heart monitor, noticing it had went slightly up. She looked scolding at Noah, pursing her lips. ''Visiting hours are over. You must leave.'' Noah just raised an eyebrow, looking at her coldly. ''His heartbeat would have been a tad bit higher if I had fucked him silly. Then the commotion would have been his screams of pleasure.'' The nurse reddened slightly, but looked quite affronted too, spluttering a bit before she managed. ''We can't have you here upsetting our patient.'' Noah rolled his eyes, tapping the bridge of his nose. ''I was not upsetting him. I was just teaching him a lesson about how to not get hit by a car.'' He gave her a fake smile, that still managed to look charming. ''Besides. We're.. Friends.. Family. Whatever. I'm paying you more than I should. So do not tell me to go.'' She huffed, pretending to check over Maximilien's journal before leaving the room with a disdainfully look directed at Noah. He turned back to Maximilien smirking. ''Did you see her hair? What a disaster!'' He went silent again, looking awkwardly at Maximilien. ''I-.... What do you want it to mean for us?'' He asked quietly, afraid to voice it out loud himself. He was handling Maximilien all the tools to crush him if he jumped into this with him. But he had reached a point where he didn't care. He remembered Gabriel's words. That he should just live. He knew deep down that he wasn't really living. He was just managing to get through in his own ways. And he hadn't been completely oblivious to Maximilien's feelings towards him. He had just been too afraid to open his eyes completely. But here they were. Everything laid bare on the table. He could either reach out and grasp it, or push it away. Get away. ''You shouldn't have worried. The last time I had sex was with you.'' He said quietly, remembering hating himself for trying to bed several men but never managed to go through. He had always fled after the dinner, our when things started to get heated and all he could think about was Maximilien. Maximilien's skin, hands, tongue, smell. [/i]Everything. So whoever he had tried to be with had just felt [i]wrong. They weren't Max. ''The reasons I came home late was because I was strolling through the park for hours, like an idiot. I couldn't go home with them, but I couldn't go home to you. You know it's been tense between us for so long. Not recently, but still. I-I hated myself. I couldn't even manage to go through a fuck.'' He looked at Max flushing. ''I didn't even manage to get their clothes off before I fled the room. I felt nauseous every time.'' He sighed, fiddling with his crumpled sleeve. ''You don't understand. I don't know those people on a personal level. All they are is a decent fuck sometimes. I don't care about hurting them. They mean nothing to me. You're a different matter, Max. You have everything that they don't have. That's the problem. They're are nothing compared to you. I don't want to fuck you up. I fuck people up. I hurt them. I don't know how to treat people well. I'm a bastard. An idiot. You would be better off without me. I can't ruin someone so... Someone like you. I don't want to. You're not them. You're.. Special.'' He looked embarrassingly at him. He'd never said such words or been so honest towards someone his whole life. Maybe besides Johannes. He knew what his resolve was. He would stay. He just hoped he wouldn't fuck up. ''I'll fuck our relationship.. I mean.. If get one one..'' He almost stammered. ''I'll fuck it up sometimes.. You know how I am.. I'll hurt you. Not intentionally. But.. God! I don't know what I'm saying or what I'm doing.'' He looked down at the floor, closing his eyes, brushing a few tears away. ''I'm sorry...'' He whispered. ''... I don't want to fuck up.''

Noah listened to Maximilien quietly, letting him finish completely before he said anything. At the mention of Gabriel his stomach churned, and for a moment he thought, that Max would actually stay with the guy. Not that he would blame him, 'cause Max deserved someone better than Noah. He knew that. Everyone knew that. He had never mentioned how his late best friend Jonathan had told him exactly that. That he shouldn't mess with Max. He wasn't that type of guy that you just fucked and then left. Johannes and Jacinthe had even threatened him, asking him to stay away from Maximilien if he didn't want to have a relationship with him. This had resulted in a full blown fight between the friends and Noah had left them all for two weeks straight, not picking up his phone whenever one of them called. This was the main reason he had never tried something with Max. He was afraid of his own feelings. He didn't want to have those feelings for another guy. His breath hitched as Max told him that he loved him. He really did want to say it back, but he felt so stupid doing so. It was a lot easier when Max had been asleep and in coma. A lot easier. Instead he squeezed Max's hand softly, smiling tentatively at him. ''I won't leave, or go back. Would you believe me if I told you that Gabriel made me see reason? He made me realize how foolish I had been.'' He told Max all the things he and Gabriel had talked about, almost word for word. ''You know...'' He suddenly laughed nervously. ''I know I've ruined countless dates for you through time... But I hated it when you went out with someone.'' He finally confessed, feeling more and more foolish. He remembered all the time he had ruined dates for Maxs. Always acting like an idiot or lying about things. He had even feigned sickness a couple of times where he knew Max was the only one who would feel guilty enough and throw everything in his hands to cook soup for Noah and try to make him feel better. Only Jacinthe and Johannes had been wise enough to see right through Noah and realize he was faking it all. They had just rolled their eyes, not even bothering to convince Maximilien. ''I'm sorry...'' He whispered, but not really feeling regretful at all. ''I.. I'll do anything for you to give me a chance. I can change. I want to change. I'm sick of...Of my old life. So no.. It's not too much to ask for. I.. I want this with you.''

''Oh who cares about him.'' Noah said non-chalantly, still having a hard time admitting that Gabriel was actually a good guy. ''I think he already knows but... You should of course still tell him.'' He huffed and crossed his arms. ''Of course I was sick! Why would I fake that.'' But he was grinning widely at Maximilien, knowing he had been busted. ''Dammit.. It's just.. You're so easy to guilt into things.. I knew exactly how to make you stay home. You always acted like I was going to die whenever I was sick. Whether I faked it or not.''He shook his head, looking genuinely at Max. ''I won't flirt with others. That only means that you're allowed to do the same. And.. I don't want that.'' He sounded as possessive as one could get. He squirmed a bit in his seat as Max gazed between his legs, almost ready to suggest to blow him off here at the Hospital. Well, that was until Maximilien made his request. No sex. For a month. No sex. No sex for a whole month. No sex for 31 days. No sex. Noah was gaping at Maximilien, trying to say something! ''What?!'' He knew that he did sex without feelings, but that wasn't the case with Maximilien. How could he go a whole month without sex? Who did something like that? Sex was a normal part of his day. ''Okay... Okay..'' He finally began reluctantly. ''But we can still blow and wank each other, right?'' He looked hopefully at Max. ''Basically my cock can't enter your arse.'' God, why was he such an idiot with words. Sounding so crude. ''We'll do anything besides that..'' He was rather self-satisfied. He could do this. He would just fuck Max's mouth, yes. He leaned back in his chair, sighing in satisfaction. ''That's perfectly fine with me. I can do this.'' Poor Noah of course didn't know that Maximilien really meant no sex at all.

Noah shook his head wildly, clinging to Maximilien's hand desperately. ''No.. No. I mean.. No! I don't want to break it up just because I can't sti-...'' He trailed away, finally managing to stop his crude words. He cleared his throat a bit. ''What I meant was.. I don't want to break it off just because I can't have sex. Don't be silly!'' It was true. In fact. He was sure he would do anything for Max. He had to look away when Max told him he was more than just a body, and that he appreciated those other parts more. In the beginning, when he had started his life like this, people had believed that they could gain more from him. A relationship. It never happened. Instead he gained a notorious reputation, never once breaking it. People knew that if they just wanted sex they could go to Noah. He did have his standards about who he was fucking, but people knew they should never expect more. Those who did expect more, called him countless names when he explained all there was and ever would be, was sex. There was times where he truly did feel like a whore, but he was determined not to let emotions get in his way. Max genuinely liked him. Noah wasn't sure he was a likable person, but it seemed like Maximilien really liked him. And the best thing was, Max knew exactly how Noah was, and he still liked him. Despite all his faults. ''I want you.'' He said simply.

- THE END -